Tess Of The D'Urbervilles By Thomas Hardy

When the Durbeyfields send their daughter Tess to pursue a tenuous family connection with the wealthy D'Urbervilles in the hope of improving their fortunes, Tess's life is changed irrevocably. A manipulative friendship with her 'cousin' ends in a shocking act of betrayal, and Tess is forced to return home shamed and outcast.

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Hope of real love arrives when Tess meets kind parson's son Angel Clare and it seems happiness is finally within her reach. Yet, in a society of twisted morality and in the ever-looming shadow of Tess's past, will Angel Clare accept her?
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I really adored this book. It was completely heartbreaking yet completely beautiful at the same time. Tess is a naive and delicate girl at times but also strong-willed and honest at others. It should be a depressing book because Tess has to go through a lot of terrible things and everytime you think things are starting to look up for her, the plot takes a complete u-turn back to misery and hopelessness, yet, Tess's innocence and love shines through. Hardy manages to explain things in a way in which you still end up quite liking the characters even though half of them make terrible decisions and choices.

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On reading this book you realise how attitudes towards women have changed over the decades since this book was published. Sometimes women are portrayed as weak in early novels but Hardy shows that women can be strong in such a difficult time and terrible circumstances and are able to stick to their principles and stay honest even though their options and opportunities are minimal.

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The main characters are a complex bunch. They are all constantly trying to stick to their morals (especially Tess and Angel or in Alec's case trying to find them) and having to wrestle with the emotions and feelings that don't coincide with these beliefs. Tess is a person filled with immense passion and love but also has a bit of a passive and quiet personality which makes an interesting combination into a compelling read. Angel was a love-hate character. One minute you loved him because he loved Tess than you hated him because he gives up everything for some ridiculous principle that doesn't even make sense (but I suppose back than it was what was expected). But in the end you kind of like him because he makes the right choice (even if it does come a bit too late).
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I love the setting in the English countryside. Hardy is brilliant in his description of the beautiful and simplistic surroundings. I know some people may find it over descriptive and just want to go back to the story but I never tire of it.

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In a way it is a tragic book. It makes you wonder if you have a choice in the path you choose. Whether you are destined to live the life you are born into depending on your family and their wealth or even the attitudes of the times you live in. Overall though it is about one girl and her struggle for love and peace in a world that seems to be against her.

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Random Passage: But this encompassment of her own characterization, based on shreds of convention, peopled by phantoms and voices antipathetic to her, was a sorry and mistaken creation of Tess's fancy - a cloud of moral hobgoblins by which she was terrified without reason. It was they that were out of harmony with the actual world, not she. Walking among the sleeping birds in the hedges, watching the skipping rabbits on a moonlit warren, or standing under a pheasant-laden bough, she looked upon herself as a figure of Guilt intruding into the haunts of Innocence. But all the while she was making a distinction where there was no difference. Feeling herself in antagonism she was quite in accord. She had been made to break an accepted social law, but no law known to the environment in which she fancied herself such an anomaly.

The Chosen One By Carol Lynch Williams

Thirteen-year-old Kyra has grown up in her isolated community without ever questioning the fact that her father has three wives and she has twenty brothers and sisters; without ever questioning the strict rules imposed by 'the Prophet' who leads them.
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But now Kyra has started keeping secrets. She reads books that are forbidden and sneaks away to meet Joshua, the boy she hopes to choose for herself, instead of having a husband chosen for her.
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Kyra knows that it's only a matter of time before her two secret loves are discovered. And when the Prophet decrees that she is to become the seventh wife of her sixty-year-old uncle, Kyra is forced to make a desperate choice. But saving herself means endangering everyone she's ever cared for.
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How far should she go for freedom?
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The Chosen One is a very haunting read. It's about a polygamist community where if you flout the rules you could end up in real danger. Kyra is the thirteen year old protagonist of this story and is a very courageous girl. She is at the stage where she is starting to think for herself and begins to question what she want's from life. She begins to realise that perhaps what is happening in her community isn't right and that there is more to life outside the fences. This realisation and interest in the outside world is developed by the books she has started secretly reading that she loans from the weekly library van that stops not far from the community.
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This book was such a fast read, not just because it's a short book with fairly large print, but you become wrapped up in Kyra's life and her need for change and survival. You see the struggle she feels from wanting to leave but not wanting to leave her family behind and everything she's ever known. Her family could potentially be your typical run of the mill family, they all love each other but still get into arguments. Then there is the darker side. The killings and torture towards anybody that does not fit into their view of perfect.
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At some parts of the book I got really angry and shocked at how she was treated by the leaders and just wanted to flick them off the page. They were such small minded, power hungry, abusive and ignorant people. I absolutely hated them which shows how good the writing is for it to have invoked such strong reactions and feelings from me.
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One of Kyra's other secrets is her love for a boy called Joshua. There love for each other is so sweet and innocent especially when its set against the backdrop of such controlling and terrifying rules and beliefs that forbid these feelings for one another. In a way it's kind of remarkable for such a kind and considerate boy to come out of such an isolated and terrible community.
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One thing I would have liked to see more of is the relationships between the wives and how they cope with having to share a husband, but I suppose this was told in Kyra's perspective so that's not to be expected. However, I did love the parts where Kyra starts to discover a new world through the books she reads. How she happens upon a library van that passes her community weekly, and the owner encourages her to take out some books. What she doesn't realise at the time though is how crucial this strangers kindness and encouragement is for her future.
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For me the ending was over very quickly and left me with too many unanswered questions. However, I suppose that shows the situation Kyra ends up in and that her troubles are far from over. It was quite horrifying and disturbing to read at times but through Kyra's voice you can feel her bravery and determination, as well as her fear and loss. There is also an undercurrent of suspense throughout the book as her wedding day looms and the pace picks up as she tries to find a way out of it. A great shocking and eye-opening read.
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Random Passage: Joshua's there in just a few minutes. He takes my hands and pulls me to his chest and says, "What, Kyra? What's wrong?"
How does he know I'm scared? Could he hear it when I called his name?
At first I don't think I can even say anything. The words are frozen in my throat. They can't get past my tongue.
"Tell me." His face comes close to mine. I smell his minty toothpaste. He's so warm that the front of me feels sort of calmed down, pressed like I am to Joshua.
At last the words have thawed.
"I've been Chosen."

Fade By Lisa McMann

For Janie and Cabe, real life is getting tougher than the dreams. Disturbing things are happening at Fieldridge High, yet nobody's talking. When Janie taps into a classmate's violent nightmares, the case finally breaks open - but nothing goes as planned. Not even close. Janie's in way over her head, and Cabe's shocking behavious has grave consequences for them both.
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And if that isn't bad enough, Janie has discovered Martha Stubin's journals, and what she learns through them chills her to the bone. Not onily is her fate as a Dream Cather sealed, but what's to come is so much darker than she'd ever feared...
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Fade is the sequel to Wake, the first book in a trilogy. It's about a girl called Janie that has the ability to become drawn into other people's dreams. She is known as a 'Dream Catcher'. This book delves into using Janies ability to help catch a sexual predator in her school. It is definitely a darker and more mature read than its predecessor with a ton of suspense.
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McMann's writing is very simplistic without many details which is what gives the book its fast pace, therefore it was a very quick read. However, she manages to draw you into Janies world. Janies aggitation, exhaustion and heartbreak at how her 'gift' is becoming a curse really comes across and you end up rooting for her.
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The developing romance between Janie and Cabel is very realistic, they both have issues and problems that affect the relationship that can't just be overlooked and have to be worked through. Their frustration with their scenario is almost palpable through the pages.
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This book does offer up some mystery in the plot but in the end you do kind of guess what's going to happen. The journals Janie acquires from a previous dreamcatcher (Martha Stubin) really brings immense terror to the book and leaves Janie and Cabel with difficult choices to make. A great sequel that keeps you captivated until the end.
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Random Passage:
She's broken.
Her muscles are like water.
And he's there, lifting her shoulders, holding a glass to her lips, telling her to drink and swallow.
She can feel his fingers pushing the hair out of her eyes. Hear his voice in her ear. Smell his skin nearby. Taste the milk on her tongue, in her throat. And then slowly she sees shadows. Black and white, at first, and then his face looking wild. His hair, flipping every which way. His cheeks flushed.
And she speaks roughly. "It's okay," she says.

In My Mailbox (7)

In My Mailbox is hosted by Kristi at the Story Siren.

I have got two books this week which I'm excited for, since I didn't get anything last week. Here they are:

1. Pretties by Scott Westerfeld

2. Specials by Scott Westerfeld

I already have the first one in the series (Uglies) but they are starting to change the cover designs so I thought I'd pick up the ones with the matching covers while I still can. I love the colours (the first one is a soft green), they stand out on my bookshelf.

Mockingjay By Suzanne Collins

Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, has survived, even though her home has been destroyed. Gale has escaped. Katniss's family is safe. Peeta has been captured by the Capitol. District 13 really does exist. There are rebels. There are new leaders. A revolution is unfolding.

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It is by design that Katniss was rescued form the arena in the cruel and haunting Quarter Quell, and it is design that she has long been part of the revolution without knowing it. District 13 has come out of the shadows and is plotting to overthrow the Capitol. Everyone, it seems, has a hand in the carefully laid plans - except Katniss.

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The success of the rebellion hinges on Katniss's willingness to be a pawn, to accept responsibility for countless lives, and to change the course of the future of Panem. To do this, she must put her feelings aside of anger and distrust. She must becomes the rebels Mockingjay - no matter what the personal cost.
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Mockingjay was probably one of the most anticipated books of the year and I was no exception! While I felt it wasn't as good as the previous two books in the series (The Hunger Games and Catching Fire), it was still pretty amazing.

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This book is incredibly emotional and gripping and in a way it physically drains you when you have to read about everything Katniss has to go through but still almost impossible to put down. The characters are all further developed here, especially Katniss. In this book she is more thoughtful and she's seems much more vunerable. It shows that Katniss isn't perfect, which is a more realistic expectation from a child that's been damaged from the heartbreakingly brutal and violent Hunger Games.

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At first, you are introduced to a new setting (District 13) and a whole hoard of new characters and whilst interesting and exciting it was kind of hard to keep track of who's who. One thing's for sure though, the action scenes were fantastic. They were all filled with suspense and adrenaline that kept you on the edge of the seat. The plot was constantly moving along and just when you think it will go in one direction it deceives you and dives head-first into another shocking twist. The fighting was much more severe and horrifying than the first two books as well, which gives great credit to Collins for being fearless with her writing.

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Also, along the way several notable characters die, which I suppose is what you come to expect from these novels. However, a few of the deaths happened so quick that I ended up just sitting there, book in hand, thinking 'Did that just happen?' and had to skip back a page to make sure I'd read it right. With some of the deaths, I felt there wasn't enough closure because nobody really dwelled on them, maybe it wasn't the right time or was too painful but I at least expected more grieving for one particular character.

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The ending was definitely bittersweet with an emphasis on the bitter. In a way finishing this book did leave me feeling empty and exhausted but there was a slight ray of hope and finality to it that I could cling on to that left me satisfied enough. It was an ending worthy of the series.

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This trilogy is original and breathtakingly chilling, haunting and intense. There is so much darkness and heartache hidden in the pages that its hard not to become attached to the characters and plot. Mockingjay was such a great end to such an epic series.

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Random Passage: No mutt is good. All are meant to damage you. Some take your life, like the monkeys. Others your reason, like the tracker jackers. However, the true atrocities, the most frightening, incorporate a perverse psychological twist designed to terrify the victim. The sight of the wolf mutts with the dead tributes' eyes. The sound of the jabberjays replicating Prim's tortured screams. The smell of Snow's roses mixed with the victims' blood. Carried across the sewer. Cutting through even this foulness. Making my heart run wild, my skin turn to ice, my lungs unable to suck air. It's as if Snow's breathing right in my face, telling me it's time to die.

The Girl Who Chased The Moon By Sarah Addison Allen

Emily Benedict came to Mullaby, North Carolina, hoping to solve some of the riddles surrounding her mother's life. Why did she leave her hometown so suddenly? Why did she vow never to return?

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But the moment Emily enters the house where her mother grew up and meets the grandfather she never knew, she realises that mysteries aren't solved in Mullaby. In this small town, they're a way of life. Here are rooms where the wallpaper changes to suit your mood. Unexplained lights skip across the yard at midnight. And a neighbour bakes hope in the form of a cake.

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Can a hummingbird cake really bring back a lost love? Is there really a ghost dancing in Emily's backyard? The answers may not be what you expect. But this is a place where the unexpected fits right in...
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This is the third book of Sarah Addison Allen's that I have read (the others being Garden Spells and The Sugar Queen) and it just as enchanting and magical as I have come to expect. You just instantly fall in love with the world she has created, as well as all the characters and especially the food. It's a book to awaken your senses.

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Emily is such an endearing character. She arrives in Mullaby to live with her Grandpa Vance only to find a town full of mystery that sets her in confusion. Her curiosity grows and she tries to unlock the secrets that everybody is keeping from her. At first her Grandpa (who is known as the local friendly giant) tries to avoid her to keep questions at bay about her mother, but things aren't kept quiet for long when she finds out her mother wasn't the best liked person before she fled Mullaby.

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As much as I loved all the characters, I have to say, Julia was my absolute favourite. I adored her. She has such a strength about her, yet has this vunerable essence that you connect to. Not to mention she bakes the most mouth-watering, delicious cakes. She had a traumatic and difficult past, that changed her life, yet there seems to be hope all around her and she finally stops hiding behind her cakes and finds out what she wants and how to get it. (I jumped for joy when she finally stood up to her conniving, evil ex-stepmother). Also, her complicated relationship with Sawyer is beautiful and unforgettable.

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This book is a quick and airy read but with so much depth to it you just sink right into the pages. Full of quirky and mesmerizing characters, this marvelous story will leave you wanting more and I won't be surprised if after reading you start from the beginning all over again.

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Random Passage: She set the box down and picked up the chalkboard on the dinner counter. She wrote the names of the day's cakes on the board: traditional Southern red velvet cake and peach pound cake, but also green tea and honey macaroons and cranberry doughnuts. She knew the more unusual things would sell out first. It had taken nearly a year, but she'd won over her regulars with her skill with what they already knew, so now they would try anything she made.

The House On The Strand By Daphne Du Maurier

Written in the great tradition of Edgar Allan Poe and H. P. Lovecraft, The House on the Strand is a gripping and masterfully written tale of history and horror with a fresh approach to time travel.

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When Dick Young's friend, Magnus, offers him an escape from his troubles in the form of a new drug, Dick finds himself transported to the Cornish manor of Tywardreath in the fourteenth century. As Dick witnesses the intrigues of the court there, he becomes fixated with Roger and the captivating Isolda Carminowe, and withdraws from the modern world to spend more and more time in the past. But his attempts to change history bring terror to the present and throw his own life into the balance.

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Like many of Daphne Du Maurier's books, The House on the Strand is set in Cornwall, and that is precisely where I read this book, whilst holidaying near Padstow in the North of Cornwall. I always love how Du Maurier describes the atmosphere of her favourite place, with the beautiful rugged countryside, craggy coasts and that general ethereal and mystical feeling that I can never quite put my finger on but somehow seeps into my consciousness when I am there.

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Initially, I was a bit dubious about the whole travelling back in time via a few drops of a mysterious drug/potion, but I soon overcame that and got wrapped up in the story. Daphne Du Maurier was always outspoken about how she detested the silly and pointless tourist attractions that kept springing up over her beautiful Cornwall, and in a way by allowing her characters to travel back to a more simpler time during the 14th century, I feel it was her retreat from the challenges of contemporary life. I did have slight difficulties with keeping track of what was going on and who was who in that time period, but I soon realised that that wasn't important because Dick is the character I should be following.

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Dick is married to a sophisticated American woman called Vita. It is quite obvious from the start that Dick is married from a sense of obligation and not love and sees her as a hindrance. Therefore he uses this new time travelling drug to escape from his increasing lack of patience and responsibility with Vita and her two sons and diminishing interest in his own life. He continually tries to find ways to get rid of them for the day so he can follow the vivid lives of people from long ago that he is quickly becoming addicted to. However, it is never really made clear whether this drug actually allows time travel or is just a powerful illusion formed from some hallucinogenic properties of the drug. Anyway Dick is only ever an observer in the 14th century and never a participating partner.

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Magnus, the exuberant, eccentric professor and scientist that concocted this drug is an interesting character. A brilliant madman that uses his old chum as a guinea pig. He is both selfish and a bit childish but also knows it and doesn't care one iota. He encourages Dick with his escalating obsession and captivation with the past. However this is because he is just as addicted to travelling back in time. I wouldn't say its for the same reasons as Dick though who uses it as an escape. For Magnus it seems as if it is more for reasearch, and as usually happens with scientists he gets too wrapped up in the excitement and knowledge of a new discovery or break through.

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The ending of this book was possibly the strangest I have ever read. I actually went to a bookshop to look at another copy, just to make sure that was how it actually ended and I hadn't happened to buy a book with the last few pages missing! It finished so abruptly and unexpectantly and I did feel it was a bit anticlimatic.

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This book definitely isn't about the scientific or slightly hard to believe time travelling aspects but more about the pshcyological portrait of the characters. I found it was actually the present day parts that kept me reading. A very engrossing and chilling read that envelopes you in the mystery and eventual horror of this curious new drug and leaves you speculating on what actually happened or could have been.

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Random Passage: It was Otto Bodrugan climbing the hill, followed by his son Henry, and when he raised his hand in greeting, so instinctive was the gesture that I raised mine in answer, and even smiled, but I should have known the futility of my action, for farther and son brushed past me towards the entrance gate of the house and Roger the steward came forward to greet them. He must have been standing there watching them approach, but I had not seen him. Gone was the festive air or yesterday, the mocking smile of the would-be go-between; he wore a dark tunic, as did Bodrugan and his son, and his manner was as grave as theirs.

Twenty Boy Summer By Sarah Ockler

According to Anna's best friend, Frankie, twenty days in Zanzibar Bay is the perfect opportunity to have a summer fling, and if they meet one boy every day, there's a pretty good chance Anna will find her first summer romance. Anna lightheartedly agrees to the game, but there's something she hasn't told Frankie - she's already had her romance, and it was with Frankie's older brother, Matt, just before his tragic death one year ago.
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Beautifully written and emotionally honest, this is a debut novel that explores what it truly means to love someone, what it means to grieve, and ultimately, how to make the most of every single moment this world has to offer.
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This is a beautiful and heartbreaking debut novel and has now become one of my favourite summer reads.
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Ockler manages to capture summertime brilliantly and takes you right back to those long lazy days of sun, sea and sand that I am already starting to miss with the oncoming months of Autumn. The writing is stunning and lyrical and there are so many emotions in this book that it almost leaves you breathless.
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Anna was an amazing character. You really felt for her, having to keep such a big secret to herself for so long. A secret that seems to encompass her whole life. You actually feel like you are grieving along with her. That grief never really goes away but when a new acquaintance arrives on the scene, Anna begins to have hope and faith in herself again and a sense of fun starts to seep back into her life.
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Frankie is also drowning in grief and copes with this by hiding behind a new flirty and spontaneous personality. She adopts a carefree attitude towards life where her only goal is boys. However, she finally realises she hasn't buried her true feelings deep enough and is finally able to talk to her best friend and parents.
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Matt's presence is also infused throughout the story. There are some really sweet flashbacks to Anna's fifteenth birthday party where they finally reveal their feelings for one another with a kiss. I love how Ockler portrays the excitement and nervousness of their first teenage romance, yet they still have this relaxing comfort around each other as if it was inevitable that it would happen.
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This book is all about discovering life goes on and its okay to let the guilt and grief go. It doesn't mean you will forget the people you love. It was an emotional rollercoaster and much deeper than the title suggests.
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Random Passage: Ice-cream cones in hand, we walk around the back of the stand along the pier where we waited for our table at Breeze. As I lick a runaway line of melted cherry chocolate ripple from my hand, I am hyperaware of my surroundings. The back-and-forth ancient lull of the tide. The cry of the seagulls passing overhead. The smell of salt and fish carried on the warm breeze. With each step along the old wooden planks of the pier, tiny grains of sand that hitchhiked from the beach below are pulverized under our heels. Sand that travelled millions of miles over billions of years across shifting continents and churning oceans, surviving plate tectonics, erosion, and sedimentary deposition is crushed by our new sandals. The cosmos can be so cruel.

In My Mailbox (6)

In My Mailbox is hosted by Kristi at the Story Siren.

Only one book this week:

1. Infinite Days by Rebecca Maizel

I love the design and cover of this book! It's a hardback book with a cover that is like tracing paper that has the title and branches on. I've never seen that before but I have heard that some people have found it tears easy so I'm going to have to be careful and remove it when I'm reading.

Revolutionary Road By Richard Yates

Hailed as a masterpiece from its first publication, Revolutionary Road is the story of Frank and April Wheeler, a bright young couple who are bored by the banalities of surbarban life and long to be extraordinary. With heartbreaking compassion and clarity, Richard Yates shows how Frank and April's decision to change their lives for the better leads to betrayal and tragedy.

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Should you follow your deep-down dreams and beliefs even though they are hard or should you conform to society because it is easy and comfortable? This is one of the questions that Revolutionary Road delves into and explores.

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Yates portrays 1950's surburban life as suffocating, shallow and tedious. April and Frank are a couple that are desperate to escape this stereotypical existence for a more passionate and fulfilling life. They end up creating this romantic illusion of living in Paris where they can reverse roles, with April going to work so Frank can stay at home, until he decides what he most wants to do with his life instead of working in a monotomous office job. However, when insecurities creep up on them cracks start to appear in their seemingly 'perfect' plan and all ends in tradgedy.

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Even after reading it I still can't decide whether I like April and Frank Wheeler as characters or not. They are both selfish people in a way and very frustrating. They both have mutual ideas to start with but when they start to differ that is when they clash and become close-minded. They both want to be these great people but when it evolves that this may never happen, one backtracks and tries to settle for the best of what they already have whilst the other will not settle for anything less than greatness.

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I feel the whole Paris plan was a ruse to avoid the real issue of them not loving each other. That they are in fact the reason they are so tired of life. The thought of starting over probably made them feel invincible and exciting until they realised the person that they where married to wasn't the idealised creation they had brainwashed themselves into believing.

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This novel is fundamently about people wishing for their own identity and living a worthwhile life whilst at the same time trying to escape the mundane. Yates has told a story with shocking truth that picks apart the surface of people's lives and can dig deep down to the bones. He can really manipulate his characters into seeming fantastic and ambitous one minute to petty and ridiculous the next. He has an almost cold approach to human nature but he seems to have this instinctual understanding of it.

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It makes you question what's important in life and invokes in you the need to follow your dreams, the problem being can you do it without being selfish?

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(I actually watched the film first before I read the book so I don't know whether that altered by view or not.)

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Random Passage: Franklin H. Wheeler poured himself a glass of ice-cold orange juice, the color of the sun, and sipped it slowly at the kitchen table, afraid it would sicken him to take it all at once. He had successfully righted the course of his life but he felt himself more than ever a victim of the world's indifference. It didn't seem fair.

Wherever Nina Lies By Lynn Weingarten

Nina was beautiful, artistic, wild... and adored by her younger sister, Ellie. But one day, without any warning, Nina disappeared.

Two years later, Ellie can't stop thinking about her sister. Although everyone else has given up hope that Nina will return, Ellie just knows her sister is out there, somewhere. When Ellie finds a clue in the form of a mysterious drawing, she sets off on a road trip with her crush, determined to find her sister.
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Along the way, Ellie finds a few things she wasn't planning on. Like love. Mysteries. Lies. And something far more shocking... the truth.

This was a great road trip novel with a really unexpected twist near the end. When I picked it up I thought it would be your usual 'girl travels cross- country with hot guy and ends up discovering who she is' type of book which I almost always enjoy, but it was so much more than that as well. It ended up being a suspensful thriller along the way.
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Ellie begins and continues her search for Nina by discovering pieces of artwork that Nina left along the way that now act as clues. (These pictures were included in the book which I thought was great). This made the search quite spontaneous since the drawings are all that Ellie has to go on. So in a way it does seem a little far-fetched but that didn't bother me since it was fast-paced with lots of twists, so I just kept turning the pages wanting to find out want happened next.
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Even though Nina isn't actually present in the novel, it feels like she is the most prominent character and she's the one you get to know the most. It feels like she has a real zeal for life so it is even more mysterious that she has disappeared. However, Ellie is the one you ultimately connect to and she ends up feeling like your friend. Since Ellie is the only one who hasn't lost hope of finding Nina, she really bonds to Sean (her crush) who is the only one that encourages this hope and ends up being the one that gives Ellie the push to actual start the search. Sean seems kind and caring, yet mysterious and his personality unravels throughout the novel.
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This is quite an intense and emotional novel at times, what with Ellie's grief for the loss of a sister and the danger from somebody who turns out to be completely different to who she thought they were. In a way this novel screams caution but it also tells you to stop holding back if something is shadowing your life. Overall, an amazing read that doesn't just stick to one genre.
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Random Passage: As soon as I hear myself say the words, I feel a squeezing in my chest. I got caught up in the excitement of the moment, in the thrill of finding a piece of new information in the credit card statement, in finding someone willing to help me. Coming here, putting all that effort in, really made me feel like we were doing something and therefore were guaranteed to find the next clue. But just because you have sat in the car for hours and hours does not mean you're going to find anything if there isn't anything to find. We're at a diner in the middle of Nebraska where Nina once came two entire years ago. What did I think we'd find? Before Rosie even opens her mouth, I know what the answer is going to be.